The sun is still shining bright!

I’ve been thinking since my last entry of what I wanted to say for my 3rd post. I’m 7 days into this Furlough and the week has been a bit of a blur. However, we have gotten out and gone for a few long walks/runs with the bestie and Tony. During those moments of being with nature, the sunshine glazing my face and inhaling the cleaner crisp air my thoughts flooded into my head. I’ve laid some heavy emotional baggage in my other post and I felt like this one needed to have a little positive light. Sharing more of the things I’m doing and have been doing to bring myself up out of this financial juggernaut of a stronghold. Things are brighter and better!

I realized from the amazing feedback that I was getting regarding the blog that I needed to share more of the things I’ve been doing that has improved my situation over the past half-year even including this current situation with Ms. Covid-19. I was having a Marco Polo chat with a dear friend of mine the other day and I asked if she had read the blog. She and I have chatted about a small snippet of my situation before but never in any full detail or to the true extent of what I was dealing with over the years. She shared with me why she hadn’t replied or spoken to me about the blog. She went on to say that she needed time to process the journey I had taken her on. She needed to reconcile the comments left where people were sharing their feelings of encouragement on my bravery and strength to share my story. She went on a mental flashback journey of the times we were together. The times we went to the vineyards and indulged on bottles of wine, bites and one of the most expensive Uber rides I’ve had. Other times we have had amazing dinner and drinks in DC when she would come to visit. She was internalizing how could she have missed what I was going through and not participated or put me in the situations. I told her that was not her responsibility for me to show up as a responsible steward of my finances. Also, I was wearing the Mask with many layers so there was no way for her to know even with the little insight I had shared with her on past occasions. My dear amazing friend this was not on you but I appreciate and feel your compassion towards what I’ve been going through. You have given so much amazing advice to me over the many years we have known each other, and I greatly appreciate every word but this one is on me.

As I mentioned in the previous blogs, I broke my lease with my apartment complex of 6 years at the end of October 2019. This was a major step in the right direction, correcting the course of my future financial journey. This decision freed up a big chuck of my monthly income. Being able to save or divert $2k+/month towards the relief of other pressing obligations was an immediate relief. I remember a past loan/give, from my father, that I still owe him. I hope to be able to make a top priority to repay once I’m out of this Furlough. The beauty and what I'm constantly reminded of is that parents, sister and family are always there regardless of me sharing my need. I will never ever be too down and out because God has blessed me with THAT FAMILY! My Aunt Bitty (Joyce) reminded me of that when we chatted this week and she cried after reading my blog. She actually reprimanded me for not sharing and asking for help. It wasn't that easy to share Auntie.

Right now, my goal is to tackle the 2 loans that I need to get off my back as I know my dad understands and will show some grace to me. 😊 One of the loans I’ve also paid down significantly and hope to have it paid off over the next 30 days. With the remaining one to be wiped clean by July/August. I’ve learned that having a plan/budget that helps me to focus on a strategy to pay these things off has made a world of difference. Having a “real” budget and taking it seriously is key. I’ve put myself on many budgets, but they were not serious and more to the benefit of my comfort zone. Not truly designed to test or stretch me into submission. Just paying the minimum (which were substantial) wasn’t doing anything to the predatory loans with high ass interest rates. I was paying sometimes $500-$800/month on one of them and the balance was barely moving. One month the company took two $800 payments within 6 days causing a deep strain on my budget. They were not able to refund it so I sucked it up and assumed that my overall balance would sharply decrease to the point of a small balance. After checking my account a few days later, I realized no such decrease in the balance had occurred. I immediately called and they tried to explain the interest and because I had paid a few days late more interest had built up. I realized in that moment that I was going to be stuck with this shitty ass loan for a while until I was able to pay a lump sum of this money in a few settings to knock it out. I see how people get into these loans and take years to recover but I don’t claim that outcome. This one will be paid back in a year or less!

Taking a step back to the present day…Furlough. This first week of the official Furlough has been a bit foggy but refreshing. The fog comes from the feeling of missing something. I have this urge to check my work emails, but I know that I’m not suppose too, and I haven’t. The other feeling is what do I do with myself during the day besides Netflix, eating, the Patio, walking, reading and sleeping. The other part of me has a feeling of relief, no work stress and a sense of peace. In my 20+ years of working I have never had this time to myself. To focus on me. To focus on things that I’ve wanted to do like writing or learning Spanish. The peaceful feeling is so freshening that I stopped and sat in the feeling at times to ensure that it was real. I took the opportunity to breathe and release. These moments have been a chance to pause and take in the moment and really listen to my thoughts and to hear God speaking to me. I promise I’m listening God. I know that all things are working for my good. I believe that everything that has happened has been for a reason and part of the plan.

The positive changes I’ve been making have had a positive effect on my financial foundation. Just in the past few months my accounts have been more stable and growing slowly. I no longer feel like I’m robbing Peter to pay Paul or pushing paying bills beyond their due date. The plan is working. Now with the furlough and having my income reduced to only 20%, I’m forced to take a deeper look at my spending habits now and into the future. I reviewed my mint report, from my bank app, to see my expense's summary since Jan and its astounding the amount of money that was being spent on entertainment, ie. Restaurants, bars, lounges and things of that nature. Fast forward to the last few weeks of March until now, and its already significantly down due to Covid-19 and the quarantine. Basically, groceries have become my new weekly charge. The savings are manifesting themselves and now my duty is to be a better steward of my blessings this time around.

F.A.V.O.R by Kirk Franklin has been on repeat since he dropped album. Everyone goes through the fire sometimes, but not everyone comes out whole! I know that I'm destined for GREATNESS! As my brother In-Love told me this morning, I have a heart of Gold and that I'm destined for GREATNESS! I received that word and didn't know that I needed to hear it! He dropped so many nuggets into my spirit first thing this morning. I got out the bed with a renewed energy, focus and desire to be GREAT! His F.A.V.O.R has been ordained for me and only me! It's mine and I'm taking it all back!